No Love Lost

Some sayings I like. Some I use unthinkingly, until at some point I ask, “What am I saying?” Some I reject completely. Such is the case with the phrase, “There’s no love lost between them.” People say “There’s no love lost between A and B” when A doesn’t like B and B hates A. Neither one has any use for the other. “No love lost,” as if love were a substance or commodity that I can expend on someone, like a twenty-dollar bill or a box of chocolates. “Go down to the corner store and get me $15 worth of love, so that I can use it up (lose it?) on a friend.” The whole concept of losing love by giving it is ridiculous. In fact it is the opposite of the truth.

Love is not a commodity, not a substance that can be grabbed out of the air. Love is something I, you, you and I, have the unutterable privilege of creating. It is a choice—the choice to love. I choose to love you. I choose to treat you with love and respect. I choose to have affection for you.

There are, of course, many definitions of love, many expressions of love, many types of love. It is my belief that normally when people say “no love lost” they are referring to the friendship type of personal attachment and affection, the liking of someone else, or at least love of all humanity expressed in basic human kindness and compassion, if not full-blown sacrificial love. In any case, and by any definition, love is not lost when expressed. It is created. It is increased. It is amplified. If I love you, it doesn’t mean I love anyone else any less. It simply means more love has been created with which to love you. Loving one daughter in no way decreases my love for the other two, nor does loving them lessen the love I have for my son, the love I create for my son. Neither does it decrease my love for my wife.

This is such a wonderful concept, it is a shame our modern world has no conception of it, as attested to by this wretched phrase, “no love lost between those two.” It is when two people do not love one another that love is lost. When they love one another, love is created.

Much has been written about free will over the centuries, a lot of it negative, but the ability to self-actuate, to move oneself to activity, to choose a course of action, is a great privilege. We choose to think, we choose to speak, we choose to do. Every time we do so, we create. We bring something into being that did not exist prior to our choice. What a privilege. What a joy! What a miracle.

Of course, this puts the onus on us, not G-d or gods or evil or the devil or the universe or the guy down the street (or in the White House), but us, you and me, to think and speak and do what is right and good and just and worthy of praise and beneficial. It is up to us—in a word—to love! What a blessedness. What a joy divine! Choosing to create love.

In closing, I just want to say a word about our loving children and children-in-law. They live this, and what’s more, they are teaching their children to live this. They treat their families, their friends, their co-workers, their associates, their acquaintances, and every one they meet with love, affection, kindness, compassion, friendship, to the greatest extent possible in every situation. In short, THERE IS NO LOVE LOST with these guys. They don’t expend it. They don’t lose it. They create it and share it and shower it on others.

For that I give thanks to the ultimate Giver of love, the Eternal, the All-Wise, the “without-which-not” of all existence, from whom all blessings flow! Amen.

Here’s how “The Message” puts it, in the immortal words of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthian church:

“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies.”

It never gets used up!

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!

A is for Ameliorate

I love this word, ameliorate. It has a very pleasant, ameliorating tone, and it reminds me of one of the first words I learned in Latin class in the 9th grade. It is the comparative of the adjective bonus (-a, -um), which means good. Melior means better (mejor in Spanish).

Melior

Our daughter Bonnie’s name comes from the Latin root bonus (-a, -um). In Latin, bonita means goodness, in Spanish, pretty.       

For you linguaphiles (Hank Dunham, call your office), here it is in its declensions. 

Number	Singular			Plural
Case \ Gender	M.F.	N.		MM.FF.	NN.
nominative	melior	melius		meliōrēs	meliōra
genitive	meliōris	meliōris		meliōrum	meliōrum
dative	meliōrī	meliōrī		meliōribus	meliōribus
accusative	meliōrem	melius		meliōrēs	meliōra
ablative	meliōre	meliōre		meliōribus	meliōribus
vocative	melior	melius		meliōrēs	meliōra

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ameliorate is sometimes confused with alleviate, but alleviate has to do with making a burden bearable, lessening the pain. Amelioration has to do with actually making things better. Ameliorators of the world, unite. Let’s make this world a better place! Tikkun olam!

Happy Anniversary, Ellie and Ryan

Happy anniversary, Ellie and Ryan.

Here you are thirteen years ago.

Thirteen, the number of ahavah (love) in Hebrew.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one (echad) flesh."

Thirteen, also the number of echad (one) in Hebrew.

In your living room, you have a framed picture of this beautiful kanji (megumi), which means blessing, grace, mercy, kindness. Your marriage is a great blessing. Your home is filled with grace, mercy, and kindness.

It can be seen in the two of you and in the three wonderful boys you are raising. The four lower strokes of the kanji mean "heart." You take people into your heart as a way of life.

As you follow God together, you bring light and life into this world. We commend you for that. We love you and wish you many more years together.

I love Ryan's blog post about your anniversary.

A Few More Thoughts on Hospitality

I asked friends and family for their understanding of hospitality, and I received so many great responses, I want to share some of them here for future reference.

The most humorous response came from brother-in-law Larry, who said that hospitality is a fatality caused by running into a hospital! (One for the Alternate Dictionary to be sure, but there’s that connection between hospital and hospitality, too.)

Friend and former shipmate Jim L. said that being hospitable includes respect, i.e. greetings (good morning, how are you, etc.), smiles, courtesies (please and thank you). It is like the Boy Scout motto (be prepared). He said further that, growing up, family and friends were always welcome and walked right into the house because they knew they were welcome. “We did not have much growing up, but we freely shared what we had.” What beautiful examples of hospitality.

Friend Ingrid remembers her mother making everything special for visitors, and Ingrid does the same. Out come the good cups and saucers, the nice plates, a nice table cloth, and cakes on a nice plate. She wants always to make her guests feel special by taking the time and trouble to share her best things—the best of herself—with her guests. It reminds me of a quote from Rex Stout’s fictional detective, Nero Wolfe, who said “The guest is a jewel resting on the cushion of hospitality.” Ingrid likens it to the Friday night celebration of Shabbat, a special time to bring out special dishes, table clothes, to prepare the house for guests, and to serve a fine meal with wine.

Co-worker and friend Rick points out that hospitality is a trait that is learned from one’s upbringing, from past generations, and from the social environment in which one grows up. My memories of the models of hospitality in our life are what led me to write something in the first place, so I cannot disagree. He opines that if one is grounded and confident, one will be more gracious and welcoming.

Cousin Sharon, who lived in Austria for years, expanding on Ingrid’s response, was astonished at the formality and beauty of the table set when invited for coffee in that country. There would be a beautiful table cloth, lovely china, cake and cookies—homemade or from some local bakery, gleaming silverware and a bowl piled high with fresh whipped cream. And as a guest she felt cherished and honored. She quickly learned that Austrians brought fresh flowers to the host on such occasions—a beautiful way to recognize the gift of hospitality.

In Greece, living on the island of Santorini, Sharon found a very different hospitality—equally warm but much less formal. There were occasions when Greeks would pull out all the stops and set a lavish banquet table for friends and family—the women would cook for days, bring out their best linens, china and glasses. There would be free-flowing wine—usually from their own vineyards or from the village their family came from. But what struck her most was the informal hospitality that friends were welcomed any time and that dropping by was the norm (as Jim L. shared earlier). When she was flustered that her apartment, which was also her artist’s studio, was cluttered with silk painting in progress, she would be reassured, “Sharon, we came to visit you, not your house.” She learned to keep snacks on hand for visitors who dropped in unexpectedly. And she observed that Greeks always offered a glass of water and fruit preserves (called a “spoon sweet” in contrast to finger-food sweets like cookies or chocolates). A bowl of fancy chocolates was always kept on hand—individually wrapped and festive looking—to offer to guests. While a guest often enjoys coffee or a glass of wine or juice, if it is a quick visit, everyone accepts a glass of water, recognizing and receiving the hospitality.

Kathy’s co-worker Debbie, a four-time visitor to Greece, including Santorini, agreed with Sharon’s articulation of the lavishness of Greek hospitality. She said she didn’t think she had ever eaten as much as she did in Greece. One woman, after setting two tables full of food, said she wished she had had time to make more! And they really couldn’t afford to do it, but they made their guests feel very special, indeed.

Debbie was also astonished at the hospitality of local villagers in Yemen, who would invite you in and offer you tea and sunflower seeds, or in one instance, the last piece of bread and the one bottle of Coca-Cola they had been saving for a special occasion.

Friend and former shipmate George offered this beautiful point of view. “To me hospitality means making your guests feel as if they are the most important people in the world to you at that time. You listen to them, care about what they say, make them feel at home, provide something to eat or drink, allow them to choose where to sit and talk, and offer assistance in any concerns or needs they may have. In other words, simply be there for them 100% while they are in your presence. Don’t answer that phone! Walk away from the TV!”

Sister-in-law Heather distilled it all as follows: “Hospitality is simply making sure people feel welcome.”

Friend-from-YWAM-Spain Bill observes that children need to see hospitality and the grace of good food, friendship and conversation modeled for them. It needs to start early, or it will not be imprinted on their minds. We so often miss the important for the urgent; the garden of hospitality needs time and care to become a desirable meeting place.

Friend and medical worker Christi wrote that when she would have conferences with families in her clinic, she would get a pitcher of water and glasses and make sure everyone had water. Kindness goes a long way, and since some of the conferences were about things not going well, mouths would get very dry when tensions were high.

One of the great things about this discussion on Facebook was that it brought together six distinct groups of family and friends, few of whom had met one another outside their own group, to share thoughts on a vital subject. As for the Lichtys, about whom I began to write, Vicki has put together an excellent five-page teaching on hospitality from a biblical perspective that she is likely willing to share. The Bartholomews now own and operate a Bed & Breakfast—what a great way to show hospitality.

May we all continue to give and receive hospitality in increasing measure and find new and creative ways to be hospitable, one to another.

While researching this topic, I discovered a fascinating 76-page PDF exposition of hospitality here.

A Few Thoughts on Hospitality

A couple of months ago, the idea came into my head to write something about hospitality. It came to me as I thought of all the wonderful times we have enjoyed and do enjoy when friends come to dinner or stay at our home or when we are hosted by others. I began to think of the great models of hospitality we have known in our lives, from friends and family who would host our visit when we came home on leave from around the world; to Bob and Vicki, who were with us in YWAM community in Spain; to Capt B and his wife, he the OIC/CO who had the greatest impact on my life in the Navy; to Don H and family, our chaplain in Spain and now the proprietor of the marvelous Spanish import store, La Tienda; to our friends Jim and Sue, who share their peaceful Estes Park home, Beit Shalom. The more I think about it, the more I see how much hospitality we have been shown throughout our lives.

I remembered delicious and often elegant meals, refreshing drinks, tasty teas and coffees, conversations, lively games and entertainments, as well as the little things that make one feel special upon arrival. I remember Vicki putting flowers and perhaps some tasty chocolates in guest rooms—along with a card welcoming them. That extra bit of effort made all the difference.

When we think of hospitality, often the first thing that comes to mind is food. My cousin Lissa kids that our family always takes pictures of the food, but we are really commemorating the people with whom we shared that food. The food is the occasion for the fellowship and as Antonio, her husband, likes to say, we are creating wonderful memories. These are the good old days, he says, for some future day in which, by the way, we’ll be busy making more good old days—not living in the past.

Yet, hospitality is much more than just serving good food and drink to our guests. True and complete hospitality involves sharing ourselves, our lives, with others and taking others into our hearts. There is an honesty and openness about welcoming others into our homes and to our table that says, “Here we are. What you see is what you get. We would love to get to know you, if you are willing.”

The biblical story of the Garden of Eden patterns the first hospitality. The Creator of the universe made a hospitable planet and planted a garden with all kinds of trees and plants in the midst of clear, cool, refreshing waters. The guests’ needs were perfectly provided for—nothing was held back.
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Abraham is an archetype of hospitality. Sitting in his tent (which tradition says was open on all sides to provide for the needs of travelers), recovering in the heat of the day from his recent circumcision (at the age of 99!), he nevertheless jumps up and runs to greet three who approached, one of whom turned out to be the Almighty himself. He rushes to bring them water, both to drink and to bathe their feet, food to eat, and a place to rest before they should go on their way. Such was the way of Abraham and Sarah in greeting guests. It is said that Abraham required only that the guests return thanks to the one, true and living God in exchange for this hospitality (but nothing for himself).

The annual Alley family reunion is a great example of hospitality. Kathy’s family has been meeting together every year for nearly 60 years. For one fine weekend in late summer, we gather at a hotel near one or another of our homes, and we celebrate life together. We talk, laugh, talk, eat, talk, sing, talk, swim, joke, tease, get serious occasionally, and just enjoy one another’s presence. We have often spoken of the Alley reunion as a kind of hospital—a place we can enter, broken and battered by the challenges and vicissitudes of daily life, into a world of complete love and acceptance for a time. Hospitality.

I was amazed to find out (although I don’t know why) that the words hospital, hospitality, and host all come from the same Latin root. The root is hospes, which means guest, host, or stranger, and the related word hostis, means stranger or even enemy. So guests, hosts, and strangers are tied closely together in this word hospitality. Daughter Bonnie brought it together in this way, “A hospital is a place where strangers are welcomed in order to be healed. Therefore, hospitality is about welcoming strangers... in order that they may be made whole again.” Interestingly, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the usage of hospital as “shelter for the needy” predates the usage “institution for sick people” by about three hundred years, but the two meanings are clearly intimately entangled.

Jesus taught, “When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.” Although we may not find occasion to welcome these folks into our own homes, we can support organizations that do, and we may volunteer with such organizations to bless these precious ones. I would suggest also, however, that there are those in our immediate circle of friends and acquaintances who are spiritually, emotionally and/or psychologically poor, crippled, lame, or blind. Are there any among us who can honestly say we do not suffer one or the other of these maladies in some way or another?

Our homes and our tables should be “hospitals” in which we make one another whole—healing the emotionally crippled, giving sight to the spiritually blind, binding up the broken-hearted, friending the unfriended, setting free the captive, building one another up in all of these realms, and providing a place of joy and song and fellowship and blessing for all through our hospitality. This is providing true shalom, which in all of its fullness means wholeness, completeness—that we might be complete, lacking in nothing.

Daughter Ellie states it well. She says, “I think hospitality means inviting people into your life. Sometimes it does mean bringing out the best and showing them that they are worth the effort, but other times, it means giving them a glimpse of your normal life. Letting them see that life is good, and something to be enjoyed to the fullest…even when it’s messy.” I love that. Bringing people into your life, bringing them into your heart. Friend Rich once commented that our home is “one of the happiest places in Colorado.” Toby’s friends recently said, “When we were there, they made us feel like family.” Those statements bless us so much for that is what we strive for our home to be—a place of happiness and blessing, of family, a place of hospitality, reflecting the hospitality we have been shown so bountifully.

As God showed that first hospitality to the couple in the Garden—inviting them into his life, into his heart, so we invite others into our lives, into our hearts with our hospitality. So may it be in increasing measure.

National Grammar Day

Who knew?

Today is National Grammar Day.

From their site:

"Language is something to celebrate, and March 4 is the perfect day to do it. It's not only a date, it's an imperative: March forth on March 4 to speak well, write well, and help others do the same!"

Check it out. There is a cornucopia of great stuff on their site.

A playful lesson from the site:
"Spell-checkers won't catch
You're mistaken homophones
Scattered hear and their"
-- Gord Roberts

Nero Wolfe and Words

I was telling someone about how much I have enjoyed Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe detective novels over the years. The stories are outstanding, but I have also learned many words and strengthened my existing vocabulary, my diction, and my understanding of grammar through these novels.

Wolfe is a colorful, crotchety character, an orchid-growing genius gourmet, who never leaves his house on business. A little eccentric you say? Indubitably. Here are a few vignettes from just the first few pages of Stout’s 1962 suspense thriller, Gambit, the 37th in the 47-title Nero Wolfe corpus.

Archie Goodwin, Wolfe’s sidekick, assistant, and "man Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday" is explaining the situation to their newest prospective client, Miss Blount. “There’s a fireplace in the front room, but it’s never lit because he hates open fires. He says they stultify mental processes. But it’s lit now because he’s using it. He’s seated in front of it, on a chair too small for him, tearing sheets out of a book and burning them. The book is the new edition, the third edition of Webster’s New International Dictionary, Unabridged, published by the G.C. Merriam Company of Springfield, Massachusetts. He considers it subversive because it threatens the integrity of the English language. In the past week he has given me a thousand examples of its crimes.”

“Once he burned up a cookbook because it said to remove the hide from a ham end before putting it in the pot with lima beans. Which he loves more, food or words, is a tossup. “

Wolfe: “Do you use ‘infer’ and ‘imply’ interchangeably, Miss Blount?” She did fine. She said simply, “No.”

“This book says you may. Pfui. I prefer not to interrupt this auto-da-fe. You wish to consult me?”

“She had hit exactly the right note, calling him a wizard and implying (not inferring) that he was the one and only—after mentioning what she had in her bag ($22,000).”

“Will this burn?” “Sure, it’s buckram…You knew you were going to burn it when you bought it. Otherwise, you would have ordered leather.”

Height vs. Length

How in the world did basketball players go from being tall to being long, from having height to having length? It may just be the announcers (whom I love to listen to) on our home sports network, Altitude TV, but I do not believe I have ever heard the words height or tall come out of their mouths. They talk about one team having a length advantage over the other. The guard is having a hard time guarding the taller player because of his length. Huh?

Babies have length. Anyone who stands erect has height. Babies are said to have length because they are unable to stand. They lie in the crib and are said to be so many inches long. A person is said to be so many feet tall. An upright person has height, not length.

This seems to be one of those annoying vogue words that someone started using and others found cute and made a permanent part of their vocabularies. Vogue words can be useful and colorful, as pointed out by William Safire here, but some are just plain ridiculous and annoying. Don't you agree?

So. It's Friday the 13th. So, what?

Friday the 13th. Big deal. The day and the number have gotten a bad rap for a long time. Yet Friday is beloved as the end of the work week, and do not Christians believe an event of universe-shattering proportions took place on Good Friday?

We have dealt previously with the number 13 here and here. Far from being unlucky, it has many praiseworthy qualities and connections.

One is in its connection to the Hebrew word love, ahavah, which has the numeric value of 13.

The word echad, one, also has the value of 13. It is said this alludes to the 13 attributes of God's compassion revealed to Moshe.

The United States had its original 13 colonies.

Our flag has 13 stripes.

Furthermore, it is said that "God is one" and "God is love," and adding the numeric values of ahavah and echad, we come up with 26, which happens to be the number of the Tetragrammaton, the ineffable Name of God.

I think those things are pretty good—lucky, you might say.

Lucky 13.

There are many 13s on the Dollar Bill, for example the stars...

...the stripes...

...the arrows...

...the leaves-berries...

...the letters (of Annuit Coeptis)...

...and the rattlers, among others.

For more than you wanted to know about the number 13, check out MysticalNumbers.com.

For a plethora of interesting mathematical facts about the fascinating number 13, check out this site.

Triskaidekaphilia!

Eschew Triskaidekaphobia.

Give Triskaidekaphilia a chance!

13 is a lovely number.

Check it out here and here.

13 is a Lovely Number!

If 13 is an unlucky number, why is the great "Love" chapter of the Christian scriptures 1 Corinthians 13 and its 13 verses?!

By the way, the numeric value of the Hebrew word for Love (Ahavah) is 13.

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13

Phizzog

A friend playing Words for Friends recently intimated that I might not know the meaning of the word Phiz, which I had just played for a hefty number of points on a Triple Word score.

I owe my knowledge of this lighthearted, little word (and its cousins, phizzog and physiognomy) to two sources: Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe detective novels and Carl Sandburg's poem, Phizzog. I have read all of the (nearly 50) Nero Wolfe novels multiple times (of course, by reading I also mean listening to the unabridged audiobooks). They are among my favorite books, and Nero's (Rex's) love of language has improved my own vocabulary, grammar, and diction immeasurably over the years.

So here are some quips and quotes from the novels. Invariably the speaker is Wolfe's sidekick, assistant, and man Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, the celebrated detective, Archie Goodwin. (Wolfe, himself, despised slang and never used it!)

"Then I proceeded to cleanse the form and the phiz and get the figure draped for the day."
—The Rubber Band (1936)

"The one in front was a six-footer with a long narrow phiz and grizzled hair…"
—“Too Many Detectives” (1956) from Three for the Chair

"Cocking an eye at his earnest phiz, which was passable, but no pin-up, I would have said that she was overpricing him."
—“When a Man Murders” (1954) from Three Witnesses

“ 'I see.' Jessup looked at me, saw only an open and manly phiz, ready to help, and went back to Wolfe."
—Death of a Dude (1969)

"I had of course done a survey on him, including the contrast between his square-jawed rugged phiz and the indications that the race of fat and muscle would be a tie in another couple of years, but I wasn't ready for a final vote."
—The Second Confession (1949)

"She is not amused but after looking at Archie’s 'open, intelligent, interested, sympathetic phiz…' "
—Please Pass the Guilt (1973)

"It was no pleasure to look at Wolfe’s gloomy phiz, so I looked back at the performers."
—“The Next Witness” (1955) from Three Witnesses

"A peep through the glass showed me a phiz only too well known, so I slipped the chain on before I opened the door to the extent of the six inches which the chain permitted."
—“Bitter End” from Death times Three (1985)


PHIZZOG
By Carl Sandburg
This face you got,
This here phizzog you carry around,
You never picked it out for yourself
at all, at all—did you?
This here phizzog—somebody handed it
to you—am I right?
Somebody said, “Here’s yours, now go see
what you can do with it.”
Somebody slipped it to you and it was like
a package marked:
“No goods exchanged after being taken away”—
This face you got.


These slang/shortened forms (as well as alternate spellings such as phizog, vizzog, fizzog) derive from physiognomy, the face or countenance, especially when considered as an index to the character: a fierce physiognomy. See http://www.dictionary.com/. (Note the similarity also to the word visage.)

What is a Cockle, Anyway?

So the other day I heard a rabbi talk about "the cockles of your soul." I think he was just trying to be different, because of course, the phrase is "warming the cockles of your heart." So naturally, my inward response was, "What in the world is a cockle, anyway?"

Well, notwithstanding some of the scurrilous definitions at Urban Dictionary (none of which come close to the real meaning of the phrase), it is a well worn idiom in English dating to at least the middle of the 17th century.

Quoting from the site World Wide Words: "Something that warms the cockles of one's heart induces a glow of pleasure, sympathy, affection, or some such similar emotion. What gets warmed is the innermost part of one's being. It's not that surprising that it should be associated with the heart, that being the presumed seat of the emotions for most people. But what are the cockles?"

One theory of its etymology is from the heart shape of certain bivalve mollusks, as pictured above. There are other theories, about which you can read here and here.